How jealousy can lead to the life you actually want (with Elana Sures)
Ep. 99 of All Figured Out Podcast
How jealousy can lead to the life you actually want (with Elana Sures)
Most of us are taught that jealousy is a shameful feeling—something to suppress, avoid, or ignore. But what if envy isn’t something to feel bad about? What if it’s actually trying to show us something?
In this episode of All Figured Out, therapist Elana Sures makes the case that jealousy can be a compass—not a character flaw. When we explore our jealousy instead of stewing in it or spiraling from it, we start to uncover hidden longings and untapped possibilities.
Elana’s story: from public health to private practice
Before founding Open Space Counselling, a thriving therapy clinic with two locations in BC, Elana spent a decade in the public health system. It was steady, secure, and respectable work—but something felt off. After years of juggling two young kids and a rigid 9-to-5 job, she started noticing a specific feeling creep in: jealousy.
She felt it when she ran into former classmates who were running private practices. She felt it scrolling Instagram. But instead of avoiding the feeling, she followed it.
What she uncovered wasn’t bitterness. It was longing—for more flexibility, creative freedom, and alignment. That realization led her to build the exact career she had once envied.
Jealousy as information—not indictment
Jealousy gets a bad rap, especially among mothers. We’re expected to be grateful, grounded, and “above” those feelings. But as Elana explains, envy is often a signpost: it shows us where something’s missing or out of sync.
Maybe you’re jealous of a friend who gets to work part-time, or a colleague who just launched a business. Instead of using that jealousy to beat yourself up, you can ask: What do I really want here? Is it more freedom? More ownership? More recognition?
The goal isn’t to become that person—it’s to decode what your reaction is pointing to.
Career comparison, money jealousy, and mom guilt
Elana and Andrea also dive into the big stuff—like what it means to be the “default parent” in a dual-career household, how gender roles shape career decisions, and why so many of us carry money shame without realizing it.
They explore how to name what’s real (like structural inequality or financial stress) without letting it harden into resentment. And they talk about the power of taking small, scalable action—whether that’s pitching a job share, going on a solo retreat, or simply unfollowing accounts that spike your anxiety.
How to start using envy as a guide
Here are a few questions Elana suggests asking when jealousy pops up:
What exactly am I jealous of?
What does that represent for me?
Is there a longing here that I haven’t acknowledged?
What’s one small way I could create more of that feeling in my current life?
From there, you can begin to shift from comparison to clarity—and maybe even courage.
About Elana Sures
Elana Sures is a therapist and owner of Open Space Counselling, a large therapy clinic located in Vancouver and the North Shore. She is also the creator of the clinic’s popular Mom Rage Reset program. With nearly 20 years of experience in maternal mental health, Elana is passionate about helping mothers develop more balanced emotions, rich relationships, and satisfying lives.
Learn more: openspacecounselling.ca | @openspacecounselling
About Andrea Barr, host of All Figured Out
Andrea is a certified career and life coach for parents. Through her coaching, she supports parents in finding better work-life rhythms so they can continue to grow personally and professionally without sacrificing family time.
Connect with Andrea via Instagram here.
