Co-Regulation Without Burnout: A Practical Guide for Ambitious Parents
Ep. 94 on the All Figured Out Podcast
Co-Regulation Without Burnout: A Practical Guide for Ambitious Parents
If you’ve ever found yourself overstimulated by 5pm—fire truck toys blaring, your partner playing music, dinner halfway made while your toddler melts down—you’re not alone. As parents, especially moms, we often become the emotional anchors for our households. But here’s the thing: co-regulation doesn’t mean you’re responsible for regulating everyone.
Occupational Therapist and mama of two, Tracy Adams, joined the All Figured Out podcast to help us understand what co-regulation really is, how our sensory systems play into parenting, and why taking care of your own emotional state is step one.
What is Co-Regulation, Really?
Co-regulation is the process of helping another person calm their nervous system by staying regulated yourself. In parenting, it often looks like staying calm during your child’s tantrum so they can eventually calm down too.
But here’s what it’s not: regulating your partner, your workplace, or your extended family. Tracy reminds us that while co-regulating our kids is part of parenting, it shouldn’t extend to everyone in our lives.
“You are not responsible for everyone else’s emotional state. That’s a fast track to burnout.”
The Sensory Load No One Talks About
Tracy shares how sensory overload is real for both kids and adults. Maybe you need a blanket even in the summer, or you feel like you might combust when the house gets too loud. That’s not weakness—it’s biology.
Understanding your own sensory preferences can help you identify when you’re approaching your limits, so you can make adjustments before snapping.
Scripts and Plans for Real-Life Stress
Tracy offers families scripts and co-regulation plans they can actually use. Think of them as little anchors:
What to say when your child is melting down
How to respond to those dreaded daycare behavior calls
How to advocate for your kid in a way that doesn’t feel defensive
“We don’t label kids as problems,” Tracy says. “We look at the environment and ask: who is this a problem for, and what can we change?”
For the Middle-of-the-Road Families
You don’t need a diagnosis to benefit from OT support. In fact, many families Tracy works with are “in the middle” — struggling but not sure they qualify for help. Her advice?
If you’re getting frequent calls from daycare, feeling isolated, or unsure how to support your child’s emotions, that’s reason enough to reach out. And yes, you can self-refer.
Parenting With Boundaries
Tracy challenges the idea that women should be the emotional regulators of every space they enter. Instead, she encourages parents to:
Identify their capacity
Set boundaries around what they can take on
Advocate for themselves and their families
“Empathy is not the same as emotional labor.”
What You Can Do Next
Learn your own sensory triggers and regulation tools
Make a simple co-regulation script with your partner or caregiver
Give yourself grace when you lose it (repair matters more than perfection)
Reach out to a professional like Tracy for customized support
Work With Tracy
Tracy sees families virtually and in-person through Woodlands Collective. Book a session here.
About Andrea Barr
Andrea Barr is a certified career and life coach who helps ambitious parents take charge of their careers and lives with strategy, intention, and freedom. She rejects the idea that success requires sacrifice—showing parents how to create more time, flexibility, and fulfillment without burnout. Learn more here or connect on Instagram.
Shop the Resume Templates
Need a resume that works as hard as you do? Check out the Resume Shop for beautiful, customizable templates that save time and land interviews.
About Andrea Barr, host of All Figured Out
Andrea is a certified career and life coach for parents. Through her coaching, she supports parents in finding better work-life rhythms so they can continue to grow personally and professionally without sacrificing family time.
Connect with Andrea via Instagram here.
