You've got the job, the title, maybe a couple of big brands on the resume, the kids, the partner, the whole life you worked so hard to build... and some days you look around and think, okay, I'm at the table now, so why do I feel so flat?
And then the guilt shows up right behind it, because who am I to complain about any of this?! I hear this from so many working moms, and honestly I've felt it myself, so if that's you right now, pull up a chair.
Nobody wants to talk about work anymore
I always say a great place for this kind of conversation is a girls' dinner, and yet work is deemed as boring, so it's not every dinner. I've got a couple of girlfriends where I know we can just get into it, and there are other friends who find the whole topic really boring, so you kind of have to be careful. Then your partner can't hear about it anymore, your parents can't, your friend can't... and you're definitely not about to sit down alone with your own thoughts for 30 minutes, especially once little babies come along. So that flat feeling just sits in the back of your mind with nowhere to go.
So where are you right now, honestly?
With my coaching clients I always start with context, because you can't just jump to "what do you want?" You have to first look at where you are right now. You might be going through menopause at the same time that you're empty nesting, at the same time that your partner has started a new career, and if all of those things are happening at once, maybe a big new challenge isn't where you're at right now... and that's okay, it just is.
Your version of the dream gets to look different
For some people the dream is a stable 9 to 5 with great benefits and a pension, because what they really love is going paragliding and travelling the world with their family on their six weeks of vacation. I love that! For someone else, work is the passion and it comes up at every single dinner. It's all about you and what you actually want, and the second you start looking over at someone else's version of it, you lose track of your own.
If nothing changes, nothing changes
I'm gonna throw all the things at you here... an object in motion stays in motion, and if you keep having the same conversations with the same people who maybe are draining you, you're gonna keep feeling the same way. And in my experience there's always something happening that finally gets someone to reach out to a coach. Nobody books a call with me saying "things are pretty good, I just want to chat," so if that flat feeling has been getting louder lately, maybe that's your something.
Can we please make this fun?
I'm a total nerd about this stuff, and some of my clients are very analytical, very black and white, and if I just say "tell me your values, go," they look at me like, give me something to work with! So we get the whiteboard out, brain dump everything and start pulling out the themes we're seeing, and from that we can see the six months from now life. You already have your therapy appointments where the Kleenex is going, so why not feel fulfilled in the work towards fulfillment? I need the reminder too!
Want more of this?
This week on the podcast I got to nerd out with Dr. Helen Krug von Nidda, executive coach, educator and the USA TODAY bestselling author of Closing the Fulfillment Gap. Helen has spent more than 20 years in global HR, from the United Nations to Fortune 500 companies, and we get into why so many women still feel unfulfilled with more opportunities than our mothers ever had, plus her MOVE framework for making your next move, teeny or large. And if you're in survival mode and can't picture five years from now, she has the most doable place to start.
