Why I kept leaving networking events feeling like I'd done something wrong
I spent years going to events. Like, genuinely, a lot of events. Corporate lunch and learns when I was in learning and development — very polished, very structured, very "here is what you will take away from today." Mommy meetups that I loved for the connection but where I always kind of hit a ceiling at some point in the conversation. Events where I was the speaker. Events where I was there to learn. Events where I did the rounds and had the conversations and came home and genuinely could not tell you a single name of someone I'd talked to, even though I'd been there for hours.
And I kept thinking it was me. Like I was doing networking wrong somehow, or I just wasn't cut out for it, or I needed to be more strategic about my follow-up or something.
And then I went to a WNORTH Summit and something shifted.
It’s always about being in the right room
I remember sitting in that room and thinking, okay, this is different. Everyone there had kind of self-selected to be there. Like there was a shared thread — ambitious women, leadership, wanting more — and we were all already starting from somewhere real instead of starting from scratch every single time. The conversation had a reason to exist before it even started.
And I've been thinking about that ever since because I'm also someone who comes from corporate, who's been in the mommy club world, who speaks at events and attends events and is now literally building her own breakfast club — and I've seen so many different versions of what a "room" can be. And the ones that actually work, the ones I'm still thinking about weeks later, they all have that same quality. You walk in and something just fits.
Belonging is actually the whole point
I think for a long time I thought belonging was just something like a vibe. Either the room had it or it didn't and there wasn't much you could do about it. But the more events I attend and honestly the more I think about what I'm trying to create with my own community, the more I realize it's actually a design problem. The best rooms are intentional about it. They think about who's there and why and whether there's always an opening for the person who just walked in and doesn't know anyone yet. And the events that actually measure that afterwards — that ask "did you feel like you belonged here" — those are the ones I keep wanting to go back to. Because they care about the right thing.
The pressure to be for everyone is real and it's also kind of a trap
I feel this one personally because I think there's this cultural moment right now where you're almost not supposed to draw a line around who your community is for. Like everything has to be welcoming to everyone or it's somehow exclusive. And I get that instinct, I really do. But I've also noticed that the communities that are really clear about who they're gathering and why — the ones that say, okay, this is for ambitious women in leadership, this is for working moms who are building something — those are the rooms where you walk in already having a reason to talk to the person next to you. And that shared thread is what makes the conversation go somewhere real. It's what turns a stranger into someone you actually want to stay in touch with.
Five real connections will always beat fifty lukewarm ones
This is something I'm genuinely in the middle of figuring out for myself right now. I'm in a season where I'm being really intentional about where I show up and where I don't, and a big part of that is just capacity — two kids, building a business, I cannot be everywhere. But the bigger thing I keep coming back to is that the women around me who seem the most supported, the most grounded, the most like they actually have people in their corner — they're not the ones who went to the most events or collected the most contacts. They went deep somewhere. They found their room and they kept showing up in it. And that shift from trying to be in every room to being really present in the right one — I think that's the whole thing.
And the mom guilt piece — I think about this all the time
There's this guilt that can creep in when you want to invest in yourself. Go to the conference, find your people, build something that's yours. Like somehow the wanting is in conflict with being a present mom. And I don't think I have this fully figured out, honestly. But I know that I never want my kids to feel my resentment. I never want to have played small and looked back and wished I hadn't. And I think when you go after what you want your kids see that. They're watching you build something. And I think that matters more than we give it credit for.
Want more of this?
This whole conversation came out of a recent episode of All Figured Out where I sat down with Heather Odendaal — founder of W North, conference entrepreneur, mom of two, and the woman who rebuilt a business from $250K in monthly losses during the pandemic. We talked about belonging, community, what makes a room actually work, and why your kids will be proud of you for going after your dreams. It's a really good one.