How do you start having fun again as a mom?
At our last breakfast club there were 25 women around the table, and I'd say five of them told me the thing they're most focused on right now is reclaiming fun. Ahead of their health, their wealth, even their kids! And it hasn't stopped coming up since... in my strategy sessions with working parents, at dinner with friends, in the podcasts I'm listening to. It's honestly wild.
And our kids are having a ton of fun, between preschool and school and all the activities, they've got that part handled. The ones who lost the thread somewhere between the lunches and the laundry and the pickup line are us, the moms.
When was the last time you really played?
When my daughter was three, I'd sit on the floor with her and technically be playing, while in my head I was planning dinner and remembering an email I forgot to answer. And then there were the times when we'd be giggling over something so silly, belting show tunes together, and you could see it all over her face. Kids are so intuitive, they know exactly which version of you showed up. And it really doesn't take much!
Your fun might be hiding in a spreadsheet
Remember when adult coloring books came to town? From a marketing perspective it was genius, basically a permission slip saying you're allowed to do this because it'll reduce stress and the wrinkles on your forehead. But we get stuck thinking fun has to look like signing up for a pottery class, and meanwhile the person spending her evening colour-coding a spreadsheet for her grocery list is sitting there feeling guilty that she doesn't play more. If you love it, that counts! When I was breastfeeding my son I found TikTok of all things, and saving recipes and IKEA hacks I was never going to make gave my creative brain this little hit of "oh wow, I could do that one day."
Make the have-to stuff a little more fun
I hate washing my hair. I have so much of it and it takes, like, three shampoos, so I put a shelf in my shower, my phone goes up there (wrapped in a towel, and if your iPhone breaks, not on me), and I blast a podcast and I'm having a time. Back in my corporate days I had this boring one-hour accounting meeting every single week, and once I started asking the lovely woman across the table about her weekend and the Filipino food she was cooking, that meeting became something I actually looked forward to. We're always going to have the dishes and the laundry and the meetings, so you might as well find the bit of joy hiding in there.
Put the fun on the calendar
This might sound like the least fun thing ever, but time blocking is how play stops getting lost for me. It's the same as cleaning on Sundays... you're not looking at the toilet on Tuesday going "ugh," because you know it's handled. If you know playtime happens at 6pm, even half an hour five days a week, that's two and a half hours of play, and you get to drop the guilt the rest of the time. When my daughter was three and I felt like all I ever said was no ("can I jump off the kitchen counter?" no!), I started carving out a little yes time in the mornings, so when she asked "can we build a fort?" the answer was "sure."
What did you used to love?
So here's a little homework, for you and for me too. Think about your younger self and what you used to do just because it was fun, before life got this full... for me it's musicals, show tunes, anything creative. Then find one tiny way to bring a bit of it back this week, and five minutes with your phone put away totally counts.
Want more of this?
This week on the podcast I'm replaying one of my favourite conversations ever, Episode 64 with Laura Haver. Laura is a play advocate, author of Play Together, life coach, mom and former pro beach tennis player, and she makes the case that play is for grown-ups too. We get into what play actually is, why it slowly disappears as we get older, what happened to her energy when she started training for a world championship with two little kids at home, and the mud kitchen that taught her to let her kids lead. She also has a free Playlist Planner to help you figure out what's fun for you right now (grab it here).
