Does Your Calendar Actually Match Your Values? Here's How to Find Out
Your calendar is lying to you.
Or maybe it's telling you the truth you don't want to hear.
Look at your schedule right now. Scroll through this week. What does it say about what you care about? Because here's the thing: your calendar doesn't show what you think you value, it shows what you actually value.
If someone audited your week without knowing you at all, what story would your calendar tell about your priorities? About your family? About what matters to you?
For most working parents, the answer is uncomfortable. Your calendar might say you value being constantly available. Being productive. Keeping up appearances. Driving your kids to every single activity while sacrificing your own sanity.
But is that really the story you want to tell?
Summary of Key Themes
This isn't another blog about time management hacks or productivity tips; there are hundreds, if not thousands, of those on the internet. This is about the gap between who you say you are and how you're actually living your life.
We explore:
The calendar audit: How to look at where you're spending your time without judgment
Going below the surface: Why "I hate driving my kids around" isn't really about driving
What you actually want: The difference between surface-level frustrations and true desires
The action plan: How to close the gap with both quick wins and long-term changes
Enrolling others: Why you can't make meaningful changes alone
This is about building a life that reflects your actual values—not the values you inherited, not the ones society handed you, but the ones that are uniquely yours.
Your Calendar Reveals the Truth About Your Values
Most people think they know what they value. Family. Health. Adventure. Flexibility. Freedom.
But your calendar doesn't care about what you say you value, because it only shows where you're actually spending your time and energy.
Think about it: If someone looked at your schedule for the past month and didn't know anything about you, what would they conclude? That you value:
Being constantly busy?
Responding to work emails at all hours?
Attending every meeting?
Driving your kids from activity to activity?
The first step isn't to judge yourself for this. It's to simply observe it. Look at your calendar like you're an outside party—your best friend auditing your life with grace and curiosity, not criticism.
What patterns emerge? Where does your time actually go? And more importantly: is that where you want it to go?
Go Deeper Than the Surface Frustration
Where most people get stuck is here, where they identify the surface problem and stop there.
"I hate driving my kids around all the time." "I'm working too many hours." "I don't have time for myself."
But these aren't the real problems. They're symptoms.
Take the parent who's constantly driving kids to hockey, dance, gymnastics. The frustration isn't actually about the driving. It's about what the driving prevents: spontaneity. Adventure. Unstructured family time. Being outdoors. The freedom to say "let's go camping" on a random Thursday.
Or the person who went back to work after maternity leave and feels miserable. The problem isn't the job itself. It's that they've realized they don't want to build someone else's dream anymore—they want to create something of their own.
So ask yourself: What is this really about? What am I being prevented from doing or being? What value am I compromising?
That's where the truth lives.
Get Clear on What You Actually Want
Once you've identified that deeper frustration, you need to get specific about what you actually desire.
Not what you think you should want. Not what worked for your colleague or your sister or that influencer you follow. What do you want?
This takes real honesty. Because sometimes what you want feels impractical. Selfish. Impossible. Scary.
Maybe you want:
To leave a career you spent years building
To work for yourself instead of climbing the corporate ladder
To have more unstructured time with your kids, even if it means cutting activities
To prioritize your own health and hobbies, not just everyone else's needs
To live somewhere different, even if it means uprooting everything
The key is to name it. Out loud. To yourself first, then eventually to the people who need to be part of the solution.
Because you can't create change if you don't know what you're changing toward.
Quick Wins vs. Long-Term Changes (And Why You Need Both)
Here's the good news: not every change has to be massive and life-altering.
Sometimes you just need a quick win. A DoorDash gift card when you're burnt out. Saying no to one commitment this week. Blocking off an hour on your calendar for something that actually fills you up.
These small actions matter. They create momentum. They remind you that you have agency.
But some changes are bigger. Leaving a job. Starting a business. Restructuring your family's entire activity schedule. Moving to a new city.
And those changes require a longer runway.
So ask yourself: On a scale of 0-10, how hard is this change? How many steps will it take? Who else needs to be involved?
Then break it down. What's the first small step you can take today? This week? This month?
Because here's the truth: a year from now, you'll either wish you had started today—or you'll be grateful that you did.
You Can't Do This Alone! Enroll the People Who Matter
Major life changes don't happen in a vacuum.
If you want to restructure your family's schedule, your partner needs to be on board. If you're going to leave your job, you might need childcare support. If you're changing careers, you need mentors and references and honest conversations about finances.
This is where a lot of people get stuck. They think they have to figure it all out alone before they ask for help. But that's backwards.
The people in your life—your partner, your family, your friends, your kids (if they're old enough)—need to understand why you're making this change. Not just what you're doing, but what values you're trying to honor.
For example: If you're cutting back on kids' activities, enroll them in the decision. Explain that as a family, you value adventure and flexibility and spontaneous camping trips—and that means choosing one activity each instead of being scheduled six days a week.
When people understand your "why," they become part of the solution instead of obstacles to overcome.
Summary
Your calendar is already telling a story about who you are and what you value. The question is: Is it the story you want to tell?
The gap between how you're living and what you truly value creates that "gears grinding" feeling—that sense that something isn't quite right, even when everything looks successful on paper.
Closing that gap requires three steps:
Audit your time and energy without judgment
Identify what you actually want (not just what you're frustrated by)
Take action—whether that's a quick win today or a long-term change you start building toward
This isn't a one-time fix. It's an ongoing practice. A recalibration you return to as your life shifts and changes.
Because at the end of the day, your calendar isn't just about time management. It's about living a life that reflects who you really are—and what actually matters to you.
Want to dive deeper into this framework?
Listen to the full episode of the All Figured Out podcast where Andrea walks you through her own calendar crisis after returning from maternity leave, shares the exact 3-step process she uses with coaching clients, and gives you the tools to start closing the gap between your calendar and your values.