Okay, this is such a dumb example, but a real one... getting a parking ticket.
It's usually my fault, I didn't pay for the parking or I didn't leave enough time to pay, and I take full responsibility for it, and then in that moment I'm like, "What is wrong with you?"
My sense of personal responsibility can really get in the way of my compassion. And I know I'm in good company here (asking for a friend), because I hear some version of it from so many of the moms I coach, about the small stuff and about the big, quiet stuff too.
You're allowed to say "I don't think this is it"
I know you've had those moments, maybe you're having one right now... you're secretly whispering to yourself or to your journal or maybe one trusted person in your life, "I don't think this is it."
And then the guilt shows up faaaast, because things look good on paper and you're so grateful and you worked so hard for this! You're allowed to have gratitude and still be like, "this is not enough."
Maybe you're outgrowing something, or maybe you're just growing, and either way you get to say it out loud.
Can you love the part of you that's being mean?
Back to the parking ticket.
I can have the bullying moment with myself, "no, that was my fault and I'm an idiot for that," and that part of me is honestly just trying to keep me in line so it doesn't happen again. What I'm working on is loving that part anyway, the same way you love the friend who loves you so hard and gives terrible advice.
You can love her and still keep her out of the driver's seat.
Everything for me is this urgency
Real talk, I don't breathe properly.
I just don't take deep enough breaths, because in my mind the disconnect is, I don't have time... there's this urgency, everything for me is this urgency, and it's all these small, small breaths.
So I've been working on belly breathing every single day, and the first time I did it I started coughing because I tried to take too deep of a breath, and my body was like, "Yo, yo, yo... chill out." Baby steps!
Put down the air mattress pump
You can't go from tight little breaths to big expansive lungs overnight, and I think the same goes for pretty much every big change you're craving.
We all wanna hit that pump, like that air mattress pump, and go too hard, too fast and make the change by tomorrow, and it's just not gonna do you any favors.
It's incredible what you can accomplish in, say, one month, one quarter, one year... and I also believe your life in January could look incredibly different, without needing a 10-year plan to get started.
I'm just not gonna do these on my own
Fun fact, I used to wear a back brace as a kid, so I've got some neck and shoulder stuff, and I've been given exercises to do, and I was like, "I'm just not gonna do these on my own."
So I habit stacked them into my workout and my trainer just puts them in, so they happen.
Same with yin yoga, I'm not gonna sit at home in a posture for seven minutes on my own. I won't!
But if someone in a class is telling me to do it, I will do it, so if the good-for-you stuff keeps falling off your list, maybe you need a person or a room or a calendar invite to do it with you.
Want more of this?
I sat down with Hana Hein, a nervous system coach, yoga teacher, mom of two and a former massage therapist who was on the medical team when the Canadian women's soccer team won bronze at the Rio Olympics. We get into what a regulated nervous system actually looks like (spoiler, it's messier than you'd think), how she knew she was "safe enough" to walk away from a successful business and why she says don't try to win nervous system regulation.
