Back on the clock as mom
It's 4:45 on a weekday afternoon and I am completely in it. I'm editing a reel, or a carousel, or clipping something from the podcast — whatever it is, I'm in the zone, the kind of flow where an hour disappears and you don't notice…
And then I have to stop mid-thought and go be mom.
Every time, there's this little internal "ah." Not a big one. Just a flicker of, I could really keep going here. And there's a part of me that mourns the momentum. The old me could've just kept going and made the time back up later. The mom-me has to close the laptop and go be present for the most important thing in my life, which is, obviously, so much more important than a reel.
The yeses that used to prove your worth
If you're reading this, I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you’re a top performer. And you probably got there giving your 150%, crossing every T, dotting every I, putting a bow and cherry on top of your work… It was always about that extra yes you said that got you to where you are.
Staying a little longer, mentoring someone, the CFO stops by your desk and you think, I could really have a great chat with this person right now — so you do.
A lot of that goes away when you become a parent, Because your time is finite in a way it just wasn't before, and those yeses were sitting in the slot that's now bedtime, or dinner, or the thing your kid needs from you at 4:45 on the dot.
I didn't fully clock this until I went back to my old corporate job after having kids, in an extremely demanding environment, and it was so hard. I never realized how much I'd been relying on those yeses — that extra work — as proof of my worth.
As the thing that showed people my value. Take the yeses away, and for a minute, you're left wondering what's actually left to show for it.
It's not just you, and it's not just personal
There's a real gendered layer to this too, and I don't think it gets talked about enough. Women often end up in that nurturing role at work — doing the extra, less visible stuff, the emotional labor, the "can you just" tasks that don't show up on a performance review.
And then, later, we quietly credit that extra invisible work as the reason we got ahead. Which means when it disappears, it can feel like something got taken from you that you can't quite name.
I don't think there's a clean bow to tie on this conversation. I don't think we've fully figured out, culturally, how to support working parents — working mothers especially — even though we've come a long way.
But if you've ever felt even a morsel of this, first: you're not alone. Second: it's okay to feel it. Feeling this doesn't make you a bad parent. It doesn't make you a bad mom.
You're leveling up!
the version of you doing the extra yeses, the version of you before kids — that was probably the more junior version. The one who was still proving herself, still a little green, still climbing.
You're not that person anymore. You're five, ten years further into your career. So how do you move from being a really strong individual contributor into being a leader. What's your leadership persona? What's the presence you're stepping into?
And whether or not you have a manager title, you are already leading something. You're leading your household, or co-leading it. You're a full-fledged adult making decisions on finances, wellness, what your family needs. You are already practicing leadership every single day — it just hasn't occurred to you to bring that same posture to your desk.
The fact of the matter is that you are a better working professional because you are a parent now. Not despite it.
So try this → take a deep breath right now.
Notice your chest rise. Let your shoulders come up and back. I want you to hold that posture for the rest of the day — stand a little taller, take your breaks, but carry it. Because some of the best leaders in the world are actually the least hands-on, day to day. They've learned to trust their team, trust their colleagues, trust themselves. And I'd bet that when you write that email now, you're not checking it five times anymore — you're getting it done, because the reward waiting for you at home is so much bigger than the reward of perfecting one more draft.
Want more of this?
I recorded a short episode for you to listen, where I talk about what happens o your visibility at work once you become a parent, and why I don't think it means what you're afraid it means.May this episode be a reminder that you're allowed to step into your own power of leadership too, and you're doing better than you think.
